Posts tagged: marriage Archive

Premarital Session 3 April 2026

2026-02-26T05:14:37Z

Expectations, Intimacy, and Shared Life

Purpose #

To surface unspoken expectations and ground shared life; emotionally, spiritually, and physically, in service to the Lord and each other.

Key Scriptures #

1 Corinthians 7:1–5; Hebrews 13:4; Proverbs 24:3–4; Ecclesiastes 4:9–12

1 Corinthians 7:1–5 (LEB)

7Now concerning the things about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” 2 But because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband. 3 The husband must fulfill his obligation to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does. And likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does. 5 Do not defraud one another, except perhaps by agreement, for a time, in order that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and then you should be together again, lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self control.

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage must be held in honor by all, and the marriage bed be undefiled, because God will judge sexually immoral people and adulterers.

Proverbs 24:3-4

3 By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established. 4 And by knowledge, rooms are filled with all riches, precious and pleasant.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

9 Two are better than the one, for they enjoy a better reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will help up his companion. But pity the one who falls and there is no one to help him up. 11 Also if two lie together, they can keep each other warm. But how can one person be warm? 12 Although an assailant may overpower one person, two may withstand him. A threefold cord is not easily broken!

Themes #

Many marital wounds come from unspoken expectations.

Not just unspoken, but a pattern of letting your expectations be unmet can lead to strife.
It’s up to both people in the marriage to be on the lookout: remember, together you face unspoken expectations, you do not face each other’s expectations, be united

Intimacy is covenantal and requires safety, communication, and grace.

No one is safer to talk to than your spouse (within reason, I think there’s a place for men’s/women’s group kind of stuff, pastoral counseling, etc. but in general no one should be safer to share something with than your spouse)

Faithfulness is sustained through shared rhythms and priorities.

Patterns are powerful
In our lives, I for sure notice when we slip into patterns of lack-of-intimacy or communication, and the longer you “get by” the easier it is to live that way
“Missing something once is a mistake, missing something twice is the start of a new habit.” The point being that it takes work to communicate, and you should plan to communicate often. Missing a date, or an agreed-upon-time to talk about something once is just a mistake, but don’t let yourselves push off hard conversations (either together or individually)

Discussion Prompts #

Expectations #

What are you most looking forward to in daily married life?

What concerns you about sharing life so closely?

Intimacy #

How do you communicate needs, boundaries, and fears?

with great trust in your spouse
openly, hopefully.
do not assume the first thing said is what is meant, maybe you need to work through it together to figure out what one of you needs

How will you protect intimacy after marriage?

Shared Life #

How do you approach money and financial decisions?

Our approach: God gives us everything and we recognize that any ordered system requires a hierarchy of decision makers. I “make the final decision” which is often to trust what Kassia wants to do with some money. Kassia asks me about financial things, not for permission, but for information. Then from the information, we decide together and if we disagree it’s up to me to put my foot down on it or defer to her in our disagreement (both circumstances happen)

What rhythms help you remain spiritually grounded?

Mentor Contribution #

Share principles, not details, regarding intimacy and finances.

Emphasize patience, mutual service, and long-term faithfulness.

Premarital Session 2 - March 2026

2026-02-26T05:14:05Z

Communication, Conflict, and Forgiveness

Purpose #

To normalize conflict and equip the couple to handle it with humility, clarity, and grace.

Key Scriptures #

James 1:19–20; Proverbs 15:1; Ephesians 4:25–32; Matthew 18:21–35

James 1:19–20 (LEB): 19 Understand this, my dear brothers: every person must be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, 20 for human anger does not accomplish the righteousness of God.

Proverbs 15:1 (LEB): A soft answer will turn away wrath, but a word of trouble will stir anger.

Ephesians 4:25–32 (LEB): 25 Therefore, putting aside the lie, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, because we are members of one another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger, 27 nor give place to the devil. 28 The one who steals must steal no longer, but instead must labor, working with his own hands what is good, so that he may have something to share with the one who has need. 29 No rotten word must proceed from your mouth, but only something good for the building up of the need, in order that it may give grace to those who hear, 30 and do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 All bitterness, and rage, and wrath, and clamor, and abusive speech, must be removed from you, together with all wickedness. 32 Become kind toward one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as also God in Christ has forgiven you.

Matthew 18:21–35 (LEB): 21 Then Peter came up to him and said, “Lord, how many times will my brother sin against me and I will forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven! 23 “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a man—a king—who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves. 24 And when he began to settle them, someone was brought to him who owed ten thousand talents. 25 And because he did not have enough to repay it, the master ordered him to be sold, and his wife and his children and everything that he had, and to be repaid. 26 Then the slave threw himself to the ground and began to do obeisance to him, saying, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay back everything to you!’ 27 So the master of that slave, because he had compassion, released him and forgave him the loan. 28 But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii, and taking hold of him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back everything that you owe!’ 29 Then his fellow slave threw himself to the ground and began to implore him, saying, ‘Be patient with me and I will repay you!’ 30 But he did not want to, but rather he went and threw him into prison until he would repay what was owed. 31 So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were extremely distressed, and went and reported to their master everything that had happened. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘Wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you implored me! 33 Should you not also have shown mercy to your fellow slave as I also showed mercy to you?’ 34 And because he was angry, his master handed him over to the merciless jailers until he would repay everything that was owed. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from your hearts!”

Themes #

Conflict reveals the heart; it does not create sin.

Patterns of hostility matter more than isolated arguments.

But do not allow yourself to over-generalize in your frustration: “He always …”, “She never …”
I probably struggled with this in reading far too much into arguments and taking Kassia’s frustration with me way too personally, creating hostility when there was only frustration

True repentance and forgiveness are essential marital practices.

Your stuck with your person, are you going to stay frustrated forever?
Remind yourself of the gospel at every argument, “Jesus has forgiven me so much more than I am/feel owed by my spouse right now”

Discussion Prompts #

What is your instinct under tension: withdrawal, pursuit, defensiveness?

What makes it hard for you to apologize or forgive?

For me it is correctness: I find it hard to apologize for trying to be correct (or understood) when that pursuit ends up hurting Kassia in some way

Practical Emphasis #

Listening before responding.

Speaking clearly without accusation.

Classic advice to avoid “you” statements, use “I” statements
I might recommend “reviewing” fights after the fact, as a team see what went well or poorly and what could use work for the next time

Addressing issues at appropriate times.

Sometimes it has to wait a day

Mentor Contribution #

Share a recurring conflict you have faced and what you learned over time.

dishes before bed
- if you want something done, do it yourself pretty much
- you will also change over time
what it means to be a patient parent

Emphasize growth, patience, and the importance of humility.

Premarital Session 3 April 2026

Premarital Session 1 - Feb 2026

2026-02-26T05:10:53Z

Covenant, Calling, and Friendship

Purpose #

To establish a biblical vision of marriage that shapes expectations, priorities, and endurance.

Key Scriptures #

Genesis 2:18–25; Malachi 2:14; Ephesians 5:31–32; Proverbs 18:22

Genesis 2:18-25

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper (עֵ֫זֶר |e-zer ) corresponding (נֶ֫גֶד | ne-ged) to him.” 19 The Lord God formed out of the ground every wild animal and every bird of the sky, and brought each to the man to see what he would call it. And whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the sky, and to every wild animal; but for the man no helper was found corresponding to him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to come over the man, and he slept. God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh at that place. 22 Then the Lord God made the rib he had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 And the man said: This one, at last, is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called “woman,” for she was taken from man. 24 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Both the man and his wife were naked, yet felt no shame.

helper corresponding

This is the helper opposite him - balance

Malachi 2:14

And you ask, “Why?” Because even though the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, you have acted treacherously against her. She was your marriage partner and your wife by covenant.

God as the witness

“the wife of your youth” Since a Jewish marriage was religious and involved a covenant, God served as the witness (Mal 2:10). Thus, a Jewish man abandoning his Jewish wife was tantamount to abandoning a vow to God Himself.

Ephesians 5:31-32

31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.

Proverbs 18:22

A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

Themes #

Marriage is covenantal, not consumerism sustained by feelings.

Serving your spouse is serving the Lord, as long as you both seek to serve Jesus then you will naturally (since it’s a natural consequence of serving the Lord) serve one another with the right heart. Your service is not to each other directly, it is to the Lord

God uses marriage as a primary means of sanctification.

Parenting is hard because you are forced to put your needs on hold for the sake of your kids sometimes, but love makes it easier and kids are level 2. Level 1 is your spouse - as you put your needs on hold for your spouse Jesus changes your heart to help you really see that other person as equally as valuable as yourself. Not necessarily more valuable, that isn’t the point, the point is that the ground is level at the foot of the cross, and daily consistent rendering of service to your spouse as to the Lord is a transformative experience in the direction of seeing others how Jesus does.

Friendship and unity go right along with roles, logistics, and preferences.

Dedicate yourselves to the Lord and friendship will follow.

Discussion Prompts #

What do you believe makes a marriage “successful”?

calm and charitable disagreement
established and respected order
- Devin will be the head
- the head of the body should probably listen to the body quite intensely before making decisions…
do people outside your marriage see Jesus as a crucial player in your relationship or is all about the 2 of you? Culture would have it look like 2 puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly, but the reality is that a godly marriage should frame the gospel. When people look at your relationship, they shouldn’t just see 2 best friends in love, they should somewhat immediately see and know about Jesus’ role in your relationship

Where do you think cultural ideas about marriage fall short?

literally everywhere

What promises feel most weighty to you as you think about your vows?

How do you currently cultivate friendship and closeness?

Mentor Contribution #

Share briefly how covenant faithfulness has shaped your own marriage.

Share how unity is built intentionally over time, not assumed.

Reflection #

What do you hope God will form in you through marriage?

Premarital Session 2 - March 2026 Premarital Session 3 April 2026